Back to Blogging

Its almost 1 year and 1 month, I touched this blog. That much lazy I am. Not really, I was busy with my little girl!

Yeah, right I am the proud amma of our daughter Shiva and I have started writing a blog for her too "http://thatsmyshiva.blogspot.com". 

I was enjoying these days, but not getting enough time to spent with my baby and she too missing me badly when I am at office. 

Let me see whether I can spent some time here also. 

My B'day !!

2009-09-23

It was my 26th B'day. I had a wonderful time with my mother and my husband. My mother gave me a ring as my B'day gift and my husband gifted me with a wonderful sadhya, which is my favorite.

We planned to go for dinner at "Renaissance", Cochin, to celebrate. Unfortunately all turned off by evening, as I got fatigue suddenly. It was not because I am an unhealthy person, but due to the fact that I am Pregnant by 8 months. YES !! We are expecting our little one by next month. So it was because of that I feel ill. 

My little one decided that I should take rest this time, so he/she did something to make me feel dizziness. Meanwhile I feel it was better to take rest than celebrate further. Apart from that I admit, I had a great time with my dear ones.

 

At Home !!

We reached home by morning 10. The owner of our house and neighbors were eagerly waiting for our arrival. All are Telugu people. I felt the passion, love they have towards us. No matter what the language they speak, what the culture they follow, they are the most lovely people I ever met.

They treated us well, like our own people, even better, and we continue to get this support and care until we left Vishakapattanam.

Since my father was working in Ship as Captain, he will come after few weeks or even months. So those days some one from neighborhood will come and stay with us in the night. Maheswari was a girl, who served as a lot. She has the smell of Lilly. Every morning she go to our terrace, there we cultivate lilly. She used to pluck those lilly flowers and made long flower chains and decorate her hair with that. I sometimes felt like it is for what she woke up in the morning.

As I grow up, I got too many friends around. None of them are malayalees, all telugu speaking children. So I became more fluent in Telugu than in Malayalam. Some of my friends there were Murali, Shiva, Paru etc. I don't remember their face now, but every moments with them are still in my memory.

When I was 1.5 years old, my father bought a TV, BPL 21" color, which was an amazing new for the people there around. So when ever a movie came in TV, all those guys would present there in our house.

We had an area at our home which looks like a very congested tunnel, and we can see the nearby ground and other houses in that area, by standing on the steps to that tunnel looking area. The glad part is only I can stand there, because it was too small for the elders to get on it. Their body would get stuck. It was when I am 2 years old, my main hobby was standing over the stone and watching herd of buffalos in the next ground. I saw crows were sitting over them and the buffalos didn't seem to be annoyed. My mother told me that the crows were searching for their food. Later I understood, the insects on the buffalo's body were the food for crow. She also told me, by doing this they are helping each other. Crow will get its food and buffalo will get relief from itching. I learned the lesson "mutual help" from there.

One day I was standing in those tunnel watching a hut a nearby, which is "Appyamma's" home. She was very old, she came to our home frequently to see me, and my mother used to gave her food and money for her needs. She was so poor. Each time when she came, she gave me tapiocas which was cooked in flame. I like that very much, but my mother sometimes scolded her for giving that to me, as it was not a healthy food. It contain ashes and dust over it. So she stopped bringing it to my home, instead I will call her from the top of tunnel and she gave the tapioca from there ;).

But this stopped soon, as I met with an accident while standing on the tunnel.  I got my right leg stucked between there. I couldn't pull my leg back. It was that much aching,  and I started crying loudly. My mother,her sister (my hema meemi) and my uncle (Ajayan) came for my help. After pouring oil and I don't know what else, they saved me from there. That put a full stop for my hobby.

During the day time, I was wandering in my house, as I was locked inside. I wish to go outside. But my mother was afraid to leave me like that. One day, I found the best time to go out was when the people came to watch movie. Yes, the best opportunity to go out. Without thinking twice, I left home and walked to nearby shop, where I could get sweet lime soda. I drunk that twice before. Its taste was amazing, even now I could feel the taste :)

Unfortunately, while I was sitting in the shop, my father came. He got cat eyes. He just stared at me. I got panic like anything. I wish I could go down the earth. He took me to the home. There the crowd, he understood why my mother was not able to notice my departure.

Just a few seconds, I didn't understand what was happened. A sound.. " tappe ", yeah I felt the heat in my legs. It was the first beat I got from my father. Literally speaking, the first and last. He never beat me ever since. But I couldn't forget that day, the fire from his eyes and the pain on my leg. I ran to my mother and she hold me. I couldn't stop tears running out of my eyes. After beating me, my father got a guilty feeling. I don't know why. He tried a lot to console me, but he failed. I couldn't explain the pain I was feeling in my heart, it was more than the pain on my leg.

But after a few hours, he succeeded in bringing a smile on my face by giving me my favorite sweets, toys and frocks.
We all went out to the Moor market that evening and went to beach and enjoyed the day. My father didn't beat or even scold me there after. More specifically, I never made any such problems, I never try to go out without permission. I become the most obedient girl for my parents. It was the power of that day.

Reality

Next morning, by 7 am, my mother woke up. My granny took me to her and showed me. Yes, this time she looked at my face and I could see the tears in her eyes. I didn't understand why she was crying. May be because of the pain, I thought. No, it was the happiness in her mind that burst out as tears. My granny said, look your kid is very beautiful. I again felt happy.


Then my grandma narrated my pathetic situation of last night. She also told my mother very sadly, that the bottle milk was given to me without any holes in it. She was actually started crying for that. Poor granny. I understood, that's the reason why I didn't get a single drop of milk from the bottle, even I used my entire strength to drink it. I knew how cruel it could be without food. That's the first lesson I learned from this world. Yes ! the value of food :).



I was eager to drink milk. I know it is something precious than the water I had. As an end to my longing, I was given milk for the first. Unfortunately, I didn't feel comfortable, for no reason and I stopped drinking milk. I felt that if she can give me this milk in my feeding bottle, it would be better. As I wished, after a few minutes, I got mother's milk in bottle. It was so tasty and easy to drink. There I started the attachment with my feeding bottle. I continued its usage till my LKG.


This time my father was permitted to see us. My granny gave me to his lap. He started drawing on my face with his long fingers. I thought in mind, what a lovely finger. Yeah ! I started feeling so happy. I would like to continue sitting there for so long. Then a nurse came and started scolding him in Telugu. In between, the first language I heard after coming to this world is Telugu, then only I heard Malayalam (my mothertounge). I understood, their custom is like, baby's father should not hold the new born before 7 days. But my father explained her in English, its our culture and custom. She left the room after saying something.


I again feel proud for my father, for his frankness. Again the nurse came with a bucket of hot water. I thought it was for my mother. NO! it was for me. Oh God, please save me, I do not want to bath in water boiled 100 degree. To protect myself, I again started crying. A few minutes later, I heard, my grandmother is quarreling with the nurse for bringing that hot water from me. She told the nurse to go out and she will take care of me. Then she mixed the water with cold water  and after confirming the temperature is apt for my soft body, she started showering me. Again I saw god in her. She saved me from boiling in hot water, else .... I can't imagine.   

A few more days passed, by this time, my mother become more healthy. She started caring me all time.  We got discharged after 16 days of hospital life.

Meanwhile, Dr. Syamala suggested to call me Syama, but none agreed, for the reason 'Syama' means black and it will not suite for a fair cutie girl like me.....!!

Entry to this World !!

1983 September 23, 5.30 PM

The day I was born !! I was expected to come a few days back. But I was feeling very comfortable inside my mother. So even after the doctors predicted a time, I stayed back at my first home safely. But at the same time, I was eager to see my mother and father, who were longing for my arrival for the past ten months.

After giving too much pain to my mother, atlast I came out. The doctor said, hey! its a girl. I was feeling very proud to hear that. Yeah! I am a girl, like my father's wish. He wished to have a baby girl. He did a lot of prayers to get a girl. So I became the proud girl who satisfied my father's wish at my birth itself. I just saw my mother, she was so tired. I felt sorry for giving her too much pain. I could have come a bit earlier. I felt a strong feeling of attachment and love towards her. I wasn't sure when she is gonna take me in her hands, as she fell into a deep sleep.

The doctor (Dr.Syamala of Syamala Nursing Home, Vishakapattanam) took me out from that labour room. I was covered with woolen clothes, but I didn't feel comfortable. I thought for a second, it was too warm when I was inside my mother. I could feel her each movements, I was feeling very safe there. Now I am in the outside world. No idea how its gonna be. But I know, my father is there outside.

There, outside the labour room, my father and all my well wishers were standing to see me. I got a warm welcome there. Doctor handover me to my grandmother (mother's mom). We started a heart-filled relationship there which is still continuing and she is running successfully at her 85's. I like her in the very first second she touched me. But I could not look at her face for more than a second. I was feeling sleepy.

I heard, everybody's comment 'she is very pretty'. I didn't understand what it means, but I understood, its something good for me. So, again I felt proud for me. Till then, I was in my granny's hand. Where is my father? I hope he will hold me now.

Yeah ! I heard, the sound which was very familiar to me - My Father !! I tried to locate him, with no success. Yes! he came and touched me. But he was afraid to hold me. Then the sister's came and told my granny to gave me back. I felt sad , coz I was expecting my father to take me. Now I am nowhere. Mother is sleeping and father outside. I hope to get them of my own so soon.

I heard a noise outside, yeah! my family started the celebration. My father gave a wonderful treat to each and every one in the hospital. My uncles (mother's brothers) served 'Payasam' to all. But unfortunately, I was starving inside this time. I got only some drops of water. Since my mother was too tired to feed me, they bought a feeding bottle and tried to feed me. I tried my hard to take the milk, but nothing is coming from the bottle. I started crying like anything. Atlast in the midnight I got water dropped into my lips. I recognized it was my granny. Ho god, I thought I will die soon, but I felt a bit fine after having some water. I gave a lot of thanks in my mind. She sat awake the whole night for me.

I started loving my grand mother a lot.